Jealousy Kills!

it hass been a sucky few weeks with everyone getting emo and pissy at the same time. i'm becoming even more jaded with life especially with everyones exams around the corner... well lets just say everyone's busy. ghaa. i need someone. someone who'll be there for me during exams, when i'm emo which btw i hate being emo, i think being emo is just the suckiest thing!, some who understands the CONFUSING relationship problem that i'm currently undergoing. someone who'll sms more than 2 words no matter what and if he or she's emo they'll SPILL. its just so wrong you know, you know how much i wanna get to know you and when you're emo you deny it and you never tell me why you're emo. i mean at least help ME understand YOU.

Today.. The FLASHBACK.. of those bad memories.

lets recap on the cause of events. arun's tuition, 3 yadi yadi yaa's (i'm trying my best not to swear here) joined tuition. well actually its only this one guy... we'll YOU since pn. dharma's era used to better friends with him and i was ever so envious of that. If i'm not mistaken i remember hinting this to you last time around. so now YOU KNOW where that whole "jealousy" thing came from.

Have u ever wished u were someone else, not some rich famous celebrity. I mean as in one of your friends, not because they're rich but because they got something u can never get. No matter how much u cry no matter how hard u try but you'll never get it. You know how painful it is 2 be within a group of friends and someone in that group always mixes with only one person. I mean they do everything together, I find it so hard to mix with her i can never seem 2 get her attention and the other guy is practically her brother. They play with each other, they swim together, they talk 2 each other everytime, they do so many things together which u only wish u could do together. It's so hard to be put in words. I might be a stoic person but i've got feelings to and you can't say i don't talk to you cause everytime i try so hard you juz shut me off juz like that. Besides with him you always start the convo. I never get that. I'm not trying 2 look all pityful and all. It's a fact and you can't deny it.

It makes your heart feel so heavy that it drains your energy and whatever life you still have left.

Sorry my hands are feeling shit lazy at the moment so u ppl would juz have 2 go figure them out 4 urselves but the way i look at it, we are so damn expressive that even the highest ranking stereotype in the world would understand us... xD

Randomness-4 amigos 4 life

Freaking accounts in the morning.. then went 2 gp met sam ND n yuankai.. lara. i know ur so jealous but i muz say that oli's still hotter.. n i'm not freaking gay.. ahahah.. then i fetch them n went 2 lara's got the bike n went 2 andy's "now thats confusing.. n on the way we had 2 meet this freakish couple who wanted 2 go cycling with us.. n her hubbie is totally gay.. he's freaking wearing hot pants for christ sake.. haha then we cycled n went 2 my place.. went 4 the Coke but i don't know was it us or the bottle but its like 4 to 1 so its the bottle.. that god damn bottle juz didn't want 2 open.. then we took some pictures on the grass.. i mean my mom took them haha.. i didn't know she knew how 2 zoom..

Finally... 2 Sam's relief.. we went 2 PSC.. but WAIT!!.. lara's bike's chain broke.. we tried 2 fix it.. but she juz ended getting her hands all greasy.. so we left the bike at my place.. n she took mine.. n i had 2 jog 2 PSC.. well at least i earned my ice kacang without the kacang ahahah..

Then we got our bets settled n we headed 2 lara's mama bear had invited us 4 dinner.. "i know" haha.. after din we watched a horror mov. the folks were watching tennis so we watched it at her room.. Sam i gotta give it 2 u.. u moved up the stepladder frm "wads smaller than sesame seeds" 2 peas ahahah.. the movie was so freaking scary.. Andy u so gonna see jodi in ur dreams once u read this.. haha.. but we did not finish the movie though n lara was 2 scared 2 watch it herself n tell us wad happen.. haha.. 2 bad we're never telling u wad happen.. u gotta watch it urself..

N yea.. i ate so much .. like seriously alot.. n 2 the world out there.. PRASHAM's goin FATTER.. woooots!!.. i'm proud of myself.. andy.. wait lar' i've got 4 packs 2 more 2 go.. haha Went home like late .. slept at 2.45.. had alot of fun since a long time..

PS. sorry nessa n jon .. cause i couldn't meet up n i missed ur sis wedding party.. xD lawak lar wei'

PS. Mama bear's all joyful n in high spirits at the moment..

Lets do the robot!!..

Here's some pictures of "2day" aka "lets do the robot!!.."

Adib's Farewell

lawak.. wei jian kena worst than adib.. xD.. give me 5 jon.. haha

reached gp at 11.20a.m. btw hanna i don't follow malaysian timing.. at least i'm not as bad as the rest.. 1 o'clock oni reach.. Chilis damn.. tungu lama tau' nak masuk.. waited like 4 an hour then the food came.. food was good but damn they came in huge portions i wasted so much... went 2 ther arcade.. ermm.. then when 4 starbucks... 2nd round.. 2nite cannot sleep edy lar' 4 sure.. haha.. check em' pictures out...

Gurney May 29th 07

crrap lar' y can't u understand me for once... he's so close 2 u... can't u like .. ishk.. i wish i was him.. damn.. crap man.. what happening here.. tot at least i could talk 2 u but he's coming.. ofcorse lar u talk 2 him wan.. fuck lar'' some1 juz shoot me.. no1 freakin understands me.. how bad can life get. isn't it bad enough.. every night is a dissaster...

the greatest Bowling Stunt.. Go give it some hits..

love hurts worst than hell man..

i know there ppl out there who face the same problem at least one.. they would b the only ones that understand the current sit. i am in. the sit. where the one u love know that u love her but she doesn't love u back.. i've got a 5 year crush on someone.. she knows i love her.. we'll we are really good frens... but the relationship juz hurts so bad.. sometimes its so severe untill it reaches the physical point.. well the reason im posting this post is cause i juz got hurt again, well u c.. she likes this guy (A), i think.. then she like saw him at a restaurant.. so eh like sms'ed me "OMG i saw (A), tee hee"i mean like if u can tell me anything u want any of ur problems, we are frens n i will help u no matter what.. but about other guys, when u talk about other guy i mean guy that u like, it seriouslly does hurt.. cause u tend to get like flashbacks n stuff... then u start 2 ponder.. n then u start 2 let it out.. n stuff after that are undescribable.. as there is no point describing it as the stereotypes out there would probably go like " huh?.." so all im saying is.. gosh i don't really know what i'm saying but i think u get the point... it's not ur fault it's mine.. i can't control myself..

PS. Happy Birthday.. Sean

and

Happy Mother's Day 2 all the moms out there who are playing their part.. n those who aren't screw u, hope u end up in hell...

Some pictures of the Keracut Hike yesterday.. It was seriously fun.. damn if u weren't in it ur "SQUARE" xD.. It was like the whole world was there haha.. gerati said that... Well we started our hike quite late.. It was damn tiring cause of the stairs it was like never ending... Reached the beach, all of us were like exhausted ate roti channai.. then we entered the water.. hehehe.. DR. Midget got stung by the jellyfish.. kesian.. well lara n her floorball team was there.. erm her parents.. Mr. Roy n a few other ppl.. xD.. it was fun..

Pantai Keracut Hike 1st May 07

sighz... im feeling that sudden emptiness without vanessa here.. she left like a few hours ago, as far as i know she won't b'coming bac 4 a very long time.. i'll be missing u darl.. u always lighten the day.. the days when u were here always seem brighter, teoratically n metaforically speaking.. take care k.. don't ever forget us bac home..

shit.. there's no 1 who actually cares.. i remember when i went 2 UK 2 study 4 1 year, it was so easy 2 blend in. within a weak i had friends who actually cared, i mean like i could actually talk to them about stuff. We were all like so close n stuff but here in penang its so hard. I think its already been 5 years n i still haven't manage 2 blend in. i had a group of frens.. didn't work out that well, so i decided to get some new friends, thought that there will be hope but then, it looks like its gonna end up the same way. I can't actually talk to anyone, i mean there's no 1 who i can actually cares.. there's not even 1. Shit what am i suppose 2 do now??..

y am i sadd... i shouldn't be.. urgghhh.... silent life of mine taking its toll all of a sudden...

Confused
Confused state. i don't know where my life is leading me to.. did i make the right decisions..?? should i have entered arts stream..?? am i mixing with the right group of ppl..?? is that going to make my life more miserable than it already is at the moment..?? am i gonna end up a screwed up person at the end of it all..?? y am i wasting my time doing my "life" which has become some sort of a cliche..??

Wishing everyday, that it would just end, knowing it wouldn't. All the tears that left n the ones still in me, which i feel the pain practically everyday. Sometimes the taught of finishing it all with a final blow n making a mark, that the world would remember 4eva but would i. Would i have the guts to carry it out. When reaching the climax would i have the guts to commit ...... ???

i'll neva stop lovin u... no matter what..

time to write... gosh i juz love my keyboard...

u heard recently a gurl died at NS training. dats 9 all 2gether, 9 deaths in total 2 since NS started... well the way i c it cause its all de government's fault.. according 2 de gurls parents they said dat their daughter had some problem wif de food at camp so on 2 occasions she bought burgers and ate.. so the parents decided 2 ask 4 a transfer 2 a camp nearer 2 where they r staying but whoever it is that was incharge didn't allow it and apparentlly the parents had asked them a few times. Then one day the gurl told her friend that she was going to the toilet n so she went... after some time she was not back yet.. so her friend wondered how come she's taking so long.. so she decided 2 go n check.. n found thet her friend had fainted. so she ran and told the person incharge. (BEST PART-they didn't hv an in-house doctor) so they rushed her 2 a nearby hospital.. but it as 2 late... she became the 9th person 2 die since NS started...

well another reason is beacuse of the trainers at de camps across the country.. most of them r army personel.. they r damn bloody strict.. like our well know band master... they do drills after drills without breaking 4 water + sometimes they give punishments like run 5 rounds or something... this causes de trainee 2 loose lotz of fluids causeing them 2 dehydrate.. all of this caould have been avoided if the government.. taught of all this like not 2 employ army personel 2 train de trainee's (9 DEATHS) my condolences 2 de parent... juz 4 word 4 all of ya'll out there "fight for your rights".

its been along time!

im back with de rants...

GOLD! wohoo! SXI raining MSSPP champions bag gold 4 de second time consecutivly. yea u heard dat 2 times in a row n we planning 2 make it 3 times in a row b4 we leave skool.. gosh i miss MSSPP so so much... all dat pressure all dat team spirit.. its something dat i will cherish 4eva... ohyea btw u all wanna noe wad crapy thing happened 2day... i gave my phone 2 de sir 2 keep n then after de comp.. he checked his pocket and it wasn't there damn i tell u last year ipod this year my phone... shit lar' but he paid me back de money... now i feel damn guilty its not his fault at all.. den when i came back juz now my dad called me n said dat de guy who stole my phone called him n said dat he is willing 2 sell it back 2 me.. imagine dat, bloody idiot after stalling my phone had de chick 2 call my dad n sell de phone bac 2 me... juz hope we can buy it bac 4 a reli low price so i can give bac mr.loo de money i realy feel so bad 4 him at de moment...

i tell my friends everytime, if they have a problem or need any help, feel free 2 come n talk 2 me about it but no matter how many time i tell them none of them actually tell me their problems. Maybe they think im juz a rock.. with no feelings, no emtions, juz a plain old rock collecting moss. i hate this fucking life of mine i juz wish that god could take me now... i don't care about de past, the present is so messed up i rather clear de mess made by the bombings of de world trade center than the messed up life of mine n idon't give a damn about the futere i juz wanna die.. cause the way I look at it is.. there is only one way 2 obtain peace in this world n that is 2 die... eventhugh .. i shift my butt 2 someother place 2 study my memorise of my friends will always be with me so.. i will always feel for them tall that very much without them actually telling me what they need what they want or wether they have a problem. they juz don't give a shit about telling Me cause I'M a ROCK. AIN'T THAT RIGHT!!..

CRIES CRIES CRIES.TEARS POUR WITHOUT ME BEING ABLE 2 CONTROL THEM.

wow! it's been along time since i have last blog... sorry 2 all those out there who actually care 2 visit my blog regularly... i noe there r a bout 2 ppl.. lolx... well went 2 KL on Friday for my grandpa's b'day... had 2 DJ it... i know what r u all thinking grandfathers b'day n u need a DJ... xD... lolx... well ask urself this wad happens when the b'day boy goes back home... my answer party all nite long... thats where DJ sprash comes in... when de lights go b0Om! Check out some of de pics of me DJ'ing

i still love her. i juz can't stop. maybe im not dat desperate anymore but i noe dat i still love her. it's so hard 2 give up. i know my life, my future will never b complete without her. but it's like never gonna happen n i juz can't face de fact n IT'S NOT HER FAULT. it may b mine but i think it's god's fauly cuase he planed my life so dat i will like her n she won't like me back. sowie bout this crapy post. juz don't bother reading it. i juz had 2 let out some of my emo 2day if not i would hv burst in2 millions or maybe even billions of pieces of emo... trust me dats not good at all. gosh sum1 talk 2 me.. i need some help n don't give me de same crap every1 else gives me " don't wrry u will move on 1 day " im so done hearing dat. i juz can't ohk. if u got ne other i ideas other then " don't worry u will move on 1 day " then pls talk 2 me i need some help. i can't do this by my self. owh gosh now im feeling weak... i better stop b4 i let all of it out...