reached gp at 11.20a.m. btw hanna i don't follow malaysian timing.. at least i'm not as bad as the rest.. 1 o'clock oni reach.. Chilis damn.. tungu lama tau' nak masuk.. waited like 4 an hour then the food came.. food was good but damn they came in huge portions i wasted so much... went 2 ther arcade.. ermm.. then when 4 starbucks... 2nd round.. 2nite cannot sleep edy lar' 4 sure.. haha.. check em' pictures out...
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| Gurney May 29th 07 |
crrap lar' y can't u understand me for once... he's so close 2 u... can't u like .. ishk.. i wish i was him.. damn.. crap man.. what happening here.. tot at least i could talk 2 u but he's coming.. ofcorse lar u talk 2 him wan.. fuck lar'' some1 juz shoot me.. no1 freakin understands me.. how bad can life get. isn't it bad enough.. every night is a dissaster...
love hurts worst than hell man..
i know there ppl out there who face the same problem at least one.. they would b the only ones that understand the current sit. i am in. the sit. where the one u love know that u love her but she doesn't love u back.. i've got a 5 year crush on someone.. she knows i love her.. we'll we are really good frens... but the relationship juz hurts so bad.. sometimes its so severe untill it reaches the physical point.. well the reason im posting this post is cause i juz got hurt again, well u c.. she likes this guy (A), i think.. then she like saw him at a restaurant.. so eh like sms'ed me "OMG i saw (A), tee hee"i mean like if u can tell me anything u want any of ur problems, we are frens n i will help u no matter what.. but about other guys, when u talk about other guy i mean guy that u like, it seriouslly does hurt.. cause u tend to get like flashbacks n stuff... then u start 2 ponder.. n then u start 2 let it out.. n stuff after that are undescribable.. as there is no point describing it as the stereotypes out there would probably go like " huh?.." so all im saying is.. gosh i don't really know what i'm saying but i think u get the point... it's not ur fault it's mine.. i can't control myself..
PS. Happy Birthday.. Sean
and
Happy Mother's Day 2 all the moms out there who are playing their part.. n those who aren't screw u, hope u end up in hell...
Some pictures of the Keracut Hike yesterday.. It was seriously fun.. damn if u weren't in it ur "SQUARE" xD.. It was like the whole world was there haha.. gerati said that... Well we started our hike quite late.. It was damn tiring cause of the stairs it was like never ending... Reached the beach, all of us were like exhausted ate roti channai.. then we entered the water.. hehehe.. DR. Midget got stung by the jellyfish.. kesian.. well lara n her floorball team was there.. erm her parents.. Mr. Roy n a few other ppl.. xD.. it was fun..
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| Pantai Keracut Hike 1st May 07 |
sighz... im feeling that sudden emptiness without vanessa here.. she left like a few hours ago, as far as i know she won't b'coming bac 4 a very long time.. i'll be missing u darl.. u always lighten the day.. the days when u were here always seem brighter, teoratically n metaforically speaking.. take care k.. don't ever forget us bac home..
shit.. there's no 1 who actually cares.. i remember when i went 2 UK 2 study 4 1 year, it was so easy 2 blend in. within a weak i had friends who actually cared, i mean like i could actually talk to them about stuff. We were all like so close n stuff but here in penang its so hard. I think its already been 5 years n i still haven't manage 2 blend in. i had a group of frens.. didn't work out that well, so i decided to get some new friends, thought that there will be hope but then, it looks like its gonna end up the same way. I can't actually talk to anyone, i mean there's no 1 who i can actually cares.. there's not even 1. Shit what am i suppose 2 do now??..
Confused
Confused state. i don't know where my life is leading me to.. did i make the right decisions..?? should i have entered arts stream..?? am i mixing with the right group of ppl..?? is that going to make my life more miserable than it already is at the moment..?? am i gonna end up a screwed up person at the end of it all..?? y am i wasting my time doing my "life" which has become some sort of a cliche..??
Wishing everyday, that it would just end, knowing it wouldn't. All the tears that left n the ones still in me, which i feel the pain practically everyday. Sometimes the taught of finishing it all with a final blow n making a mark, that the world would remember 4eva but would i. Would i have the guts to carry it out. When reaching the climax would i have the guts to commit ...... ???
time to write... gosh i juz love my keyboard...
u heard recently a gurl died at NS training. dats 9 all 2gether, 9 deaths in total 2 since NS started... well the way i c it cause its all de government's fault.. according 2 de gurls parents they said dat their daughter had some problem wif de food at camp so on 2 occasions she bought burgers and ate.. so the parents decided 2 ask 4 a transfer 2 a camp nearer 2 where they r staying but whoever it is that was incharge didn't allow it and apparentlly the parents had asked them a few times. Then one day the gurl told her friend that she was going to the toilet n so she went... after some time she was not back yet.. so her friend wondered how come she's taking so long.. so she decided 2 go n check.. n found thet her friend had fainted. so she ran and told the person incharge. (BEST PART-they didn't hv an in-house doctor) so they rushed her 2 a nearby hospital.. but it as 2 late... she became the 9th person 2 die since NS started...
well another reason is beacuse of the trainers at de camps across the country.. most of them r army personel.. they r damn bloody strict.. like our well know band master... they do drills after drills without breaking 4 water + sometimes they give punishments like run 5 rounds or something... this causes de trainee 2 loose lotz of fluids causeing them 2 dehydrate.. all of this caould have been avoided if the government.. taught of all this like not 2 employ army personel 2 train de trainee's (9 DEATHS) my condolences 2 de parent... juz 4 word 4 all of ya'll out there "fight for your rights".
its been along time!
im back with de rants...
GOLD! wohoo! SXI raining MSSPP champions bag gold 4 de second time consecutivly. yea u heard dat 2 times in a row n we planning 2 make it 3 times in a row b4 we leave skool.. gosh i miss MSSPP so so much... all dat pressure all dat team spirit.. its something dat i will cherish 4eva... ohyea btw u all wanna noe wad crapy thing happened 2day... i gave my phone 2 de sir 2 keep n then after de comp.. he checked his pocket and it wasn't there damn i tell u last year ipod this year my phone... shit lar' but he paid me back de money... now i feel damn guilty its not his fault at all.. den when i came back juz now my dad called me n said dat de guy who stole my phone called him n said dat he is willing 2 sell it back 2 me.. imagine dat, bloody idiot after stalling my phone had de chick 2 call my dad n sell de phone bac 2 me... juz hope we can buy it bac 4 a reli low price so i can give bac mr.loo de money i realy feel so bad 4 him at de moment...
i tell my friends everytime, if they have a problem or need any help, feel free 2 come n talk 2 me about it but no matter how many time i tell them none of them actually tell me their problems. Maybe they think im juz a rock.. with no feelings, no emtions, juz a plain old rock collecting moss. i hate this fucking life of mine i juz wish that god could take me now... i don't care about de past, the present is so messed up i rather clear de mess made by the bombings of de world trade center than the messed up life of mine n idon't give a damn about the futere i juz wanna die.. cause the way I look at it is.. there is only one way 2 obtain peace in this world n that is 2 die... eventhugh .. i shift my butt 2 someother place 2 study my memorise of my friends will always be with me so.. i will always feel for them tall that very much without them actually telling me what they need what they want or wether they have a problem. they juz don't give a shit about telling Me cause I'M a ROCK. AIN'T THAT RIGHT!!..
CRIES CRIES CRIES.TEARS POUR WITHOUT ME BEING ABLE 2 CONTROL THEM.
wow! it's been along time since i have last blog... sorry 2 all those out there who actually care 2 visit my blog regularly... i noe there r a bout 2 ppl.. lolx... well went 2 KL on Friday for my grandpa's b'day... had 2 DJ it... i know what r u all thinking grandfathers b'day n u need a DJ... xD... lolx... well ask urself this wad happens when the b'day boy goes back home... my answer party all nite long... thats where DJ sprash comes in... when de lights go b0Om! Check out some of de pics of me DJ'ing
i still love her. i juz can't stop. maybe im not dat desperate anymore but i noe dat i still love her. it's so hard 2 give up. i know my life, my future will never b complete without her. but it's like never gonna happen n i juz can't face de fact n IT'S NOT HER FAULT. it may b mine but i think it's god's fauly cuase he planed my life so dat i will like her n she won't like me back. sowie bout this crapy post. juz don't bother reading it. i juz had 2 let out some of my emo 2day if not i would hv burst in2 millions or maybe even billions of pieces of emo... trust me dats not good at all. gosh sum1 talk 2 me.. i need some help n don't give me de same crap every1 else gives me " don't wrry u will move on 1 day " im so done hearing dat. i juz can't ohk. if u got ne other i ideas other then " don't worry u will move on 1 day " then pls talk 2 me i need some help. i can't do this by my self. owh gosh now im feeling weak... i better stop b4 i let all of it out...
ohkay... this 1 is gonna b quite a long post cause ahem... lets c... it's been a crappy day... let me rephrase dat its been a realy crapy day... god shot 2 arrows from heaven 2day. 1st was my results 6 A's B for sejarah. So seriously u wanna noe how i feel, well.. i feel out of place, i feel dumb, i feel stupid, i feel useless, after all dat suffering i couldn't pull it of. nearly every1 i know got it but didn't N btw 6A's shouldn't deserve a congrats. it crap nothing but crap on 7A's n 8A's deserve dat. so don't even bother coming n trying 2 ease situations. i din get it congrats doesn't make a difference n i don't deserve it. ohk juz as u tot things couldn't get worst...
sprash got STING! by a jellyfish. yea u read dat i got sting'ed by a jellyfish. ouCH! it gives me de sharp pains. n now my whole body aches. i don't know y?? HELP im goin 2 be paralized... wait a minute... does ne1 even care... y?? am i saying all this. who actually reads. ouCH!!
ohk enough of my emotions... im actually happy wif myself wait a minute am I?? i seriously dunno... well de important thing 2 me is dat... "sof im thinking positive like u said" i didn't let de results affect me... i didn't cry... newayi wanna wish all those who got 7A's n 8A's congratulations... it's coming from my heart. n 2 those who didn't work harder study smarter neva give up till u die... wads important is not how u fall is how u get up frm dat fall' did u hear dat MIND... "neva give up" those who thinking of commiting suicide pls listen 2 me... it's not worth it... god din say u can die yet... b'side a wise gurl once told me "results don't mean everything" those who got it they deserve it... it ain't luck... STOP saying it's all about luck it never is... dats it frm me now... can't wait 4 de line 2 b boosted up... it's so slow...
shit la muz go KL 4 sum stupid dinner... bloody crap old folks, old music lame stuff... now im waiting 2 go 2 the gym but at de moment got no transport... shiat my app is at 12p.m. how my gonna make it... should i push it or juz leave it yikez... u wanna know something i hate my new trainer... he's such a ass... he's like trying 2 sell the supplement eventhough i told him that i won't take them cause a lot of ppl told me it ain't good 4 my health... im never gonna take dat thing...
